Send in the Clown
Well, hello and good afternoon to you, dear reader. Here we are on another sunny afternoon at Comb Towers in the beautiful Yorkshire Wolds. Yes indeedy, it is beautiful today and the sun is shining, which was not the case yesterday, as the rain it raineth and the hailstones hailed us right, left and centre. So I am counting my blessings and the myriads of daisies and dandelions that have sprouted up in the lawn. I hope our bees will be ecstatic at the sight.
Hmph - send in the clown. You may wonder at the title. Spouse is not in my good books at the moment. I suppose, as ever, marital harmony ebbs and flows and right now the marital tide has just about ebbed as far as it can go.
How has this situation come about? You may well ask, dear reader. Here goes … We have one of those toughened glass gas hobs. It was already installed in the kitchen when we moved in; brand new and handsome as you like. Now, bear with me for one moment whilst I get this little niggle off my chest and I know what I’m about to say will not resonate favourably with many of my readers but I’ll say it anyway - so often I go to use a new or old piece of kitchen or homeware kit/appliance and think to myself - a bloke designed this. All sorts of bits and bobs to take to bits to clean, nothing is simple and streamlined. Let’s face it, we all lead busy lives these days and who wants to faff about getting into the crooks and crannies of the latest gadgetry to keep it clean? Certainly not me. I am becoming gadget phobic.
End of niggle. Right, back to the toughened glass hob in the kitchen. I am not a particularly messy cook, but spills and splashes happen and the darned thing then needs cleaning to restore it to its former pristine glory. I have discovered a very good liquid cleaner to help me in my task and with a little elbow grease the job gets done. Did I say a little elbow grease..? No, I actually mean a lot of elbow grease to get around all the rings and knobs to remove the spills and then shine the wretched glass up.
So, the other day, I deployed this cleaning stuff and afterwards rinsed my hands. Silly me, I should have washed them thoroughly in hot soapy water or even better worn gloves for the job, as there must have been some residue left on my hands. Straight afterwards I applied some moisturiser to my lips and immediate surrounding area, as I have a slight problem with dry lips.
Ooh, big mistake. Not long afterwards I was red and spotty around my chops with an adverse reaction to whatever had been on my hands. So, after another thorough handwash I applied some medicated cream to calm things down. Well and good. The only problem was that the cream takes a long time to soak into the skin and so I had a band of white all around my mouth and surrounding area.
Cue Spouse. Wouldn’t it have been nice if he had expressed his concern at my plight. Yes it would. Only he didn’t. ‘All you need now is some red lipstick to outline the white and then you can join the circus. Send in the clown!’ He went on his merry way, laughing his head off at his “joke”.
Grrr. Just you wait, Spouse. Next time you come in from your shed, dripping blood everywhere, having half-severed your fingers on some piece of machinery, or have impaled a rusty nail into some part of your anatomy, I will just smile sweetly at you and remind you … this clown has run off and joined the circus and thus is no longer available for emergency nursing duties. Ha, it’s not only elephants that have long memories.
Goodbye for now, dear reader. I wish you a very happy day. I am going out to my garden now to clean out the bird baths again. Our resident crow has been rinsing his latest kill in one bath as he dismembers it and then washing himself in the other one. What delights await me? Let’s not even go there …