‘Most of the time I am a “live and let live” sort of a person, but not, I fear, when it comes to insomniac cockerels that appear to have dined on speed.’

‘I said to Spouse, “You'll have to wash out the dustbin. Sam bled quite alot when you shot him and put him in there. The supermarket asistant wobbled on her stool, fell off and gave me a scared look.’

‘Across a crowded room I could see much animated flirting going on. She was looking up at Spouse all heaving bosom anf fluttering eyelashes; he was quite entranced but trying not to stare down her cleavage.’

‘Yes, it were a right going on. She stood him up at the altar ... Any road up, he's got a right nice lass now, even if she is a wrestler.’

‘The flowers in my garden are gradually dying back and I feel like the Red Queen in Alice In Wonderland as I wield the secateurs and say ‘off with their heads.”’

‘Spouse went to one side of the pond and I the other. We grasped the netting and pulled it tight. Voila: we had invented frog trampolining.’

‘How to make a Yorkshireman cry - quite simple really, tell him he's going shopping.’

‘The Cat's Protection League woman came tripping down the garden path. My G&T was promptly whipped out of my hand and hidden in the cupboard. Obviously cats cannot be re-homed where there is Mother's Ruin.’

‘Which brings me on to the subject of astro-physics. Ha, I bet you never thought to see those words drip from my keyboard.’

‘Less alcohol, a better balanced diet and lots of fresh air and exercise. Oh my, I think I need to lie down already just contemplating that lot.’

‘Spouse was threading an extension lead through the letterbox ... I'm going out to hoover the gravel.’

‘It all started with a very small hole in our lawn. 'That's a mousehole,' says spouse. 'Well, they've got to live somewhere,' says I. 'Not in my lawn, they haven't ...'’

‘I was concentrating hard on my task at the church Christmas bazaar and woe betide me if I mucked it up, or I might face the parish firing quad the following week.’

‘Silent night, holy night, all is calm, all is bright ... not in our house it isn't.’

When Jackie Dalrymple-Jones discovers her domineering mother dead—face down in a bowl of porridge—she suddenly finds herself in charge of Café Paradise, a struggling greasy-spoon in York. Jackie’s ambitious plans to modernise the café are met with hilarious resistance from her wilful staff.

Against a backdrop of Zumba dancing, feckless chickens, and the world's most fiery curry, Jackie and her friends must navigate newfound love while fighting off financial ruin and unexpected skulduggery. At the heart of it all is Walter, a man of loyalty and sound wisdom, who may be holding more than just the café together.

In this riotous sequel to Café Paradise, the staff deals with the chaos left behind by the deceased Marilyn. The story follows Janet Bailey, who arrives in York looking for her birth mother, threatening Jackie and Barney's marriage. Meanwhile, Penny and George face trouble in Europe, Kate deals with a suspected affair and a stalker, and Walter manages a chaotic cafe

In York, Café Paradise is open for business again…

For most of us life doesn’t always run according to plan ... and for the much-loved crew at Café Paradise, it never does! Jackie is expecting twins. She’s doubling in size - and so is the café, as she sets about ambitious expansion plans with the help of jack-of-all-trades Brian Box… Brian is captivated by ditzy Genevieve, who continues to cause havoc in the café kitchen. One thing is for certain where Genevieve is concerned – the path of true love will not run smoothly… Walter’s life is a nightmare. His sister Rose, her partner, their dog, peacocks and alpacas have come to stay on the farm. Ellie, and Walter’s devoted sheepdog, Elvis, are both threatening to leave home unless Walter evicts the motley crew - but Rose is here to stay…

George has a new hobby, and it’s not one that Penny’s going to like any more than his cross-dressing or motor-cycling… Kate is pregnant and disgruntled that Stan has bought a wreck of a house. He plans to ‘do it up’ - despite not knowing the first thing about DIY… And lurking in the background is sinister Tom Young in search of another sure-fire money-making scheme. And this time he’ll let nothing get in his way…

So, let us show you to a table, take your order and offer you the best entertainment in Yorkshire as you catch up with all your favourite characters from the massively successful Café Paradise Series.